You know that bit at the end of Guns ‘n’ Roses’ “Mr. Brownstone,” where Axl busts with a little “Yowza!“? That would be played every time something cool happened. Lugo steals a base? “Yowza!” Manny knocks one off the side of Crossroads Ale House on Beacon? “Yowza!” Joba Chamberlain gets punched in the crackers by a Pabst-impaired Mike Timlin? “Yowza!” Go and break out yer Appetite for Destruction (aw, you know you’ve got one) and listen to that snippet and tell me you can’t hear it reverberating through the Fens on a steamy August night.

Oh, and also–you know the beginning of “Running With The Devil?” The thumping bass at the very beginning before the guitar kicks in? That would loop everytime Papelbon came out of the bullpen. I’d also ask if they could shut down the lights, so that the whole placed is plunged into darkness as the music swirls up, but I’m sure there’s some sort of code prohibiting that. Just as there may be a code prohibiting the playing of anything by Van Halen within city limits.

There’d be a place for live music as well. For instance: Have Fall Out Boy come out during the seventh inning stretch to play a couple tunes, then let loose a pack of rabid elks to chase them around the infield. Johnny Pesky would approve.