Well, Blogger is being cranky and won’t let me upload a picture. So just pretend there’s a pic of Captain Kickass with an angry scowl on his face.

From Gordon Edes at Boston.com’s Extra Bases: (Translations are found solely in the imagination of Denton)

“Today wasn’t as good as yesterday. We’ll just have to wait and see I guess. Doctors told me yesterday that there was a possibility I’d come in and feel like I do today so as far as that goes, the doctors were right.”

Why was that, Josh.

“I’m not a doctor, I don’t know.”

Translation: That’s a stupid f-ckin’ question, junior.


Did it happen because of looseness of mound dirt Saturday?

“I’m not going to get into the blame thing, Everybody’s doing their job. Nobody’s job is any easier than anybody else’s. I’m not getting into that.”


Translation: Looseness? A: Is that even a word, and 2: Who f-ckin’ cares?


Was there a mis-step on the mound Saturday?

“I’m not getting into that. It’s nobody’s fault. It’s something hat happens.”

Translation: What did I just f-cking say?


It looks pretty doubtful for you to pitch in Japan.

“I don’t know. We’ll make those decisions as they come.”

Translation: Did you ever sit on a plane for seventeen f-cking hours, pitch in a major league game, then sit for another seventeen f-cking hours and pitch another major league game?


Realistically, two weeks from today they open, you haven’t faced big-league
hitters yet, can you be ready by the 24th?

“I don’t know. If I’d had as much progress from yesterday to today as I did from the first day to the second day, I wouldn’t have ruled that out. Today I’m just holding up my obligation (to talk to media). It probably would have been better to talk to you guys yesterday because I was a little more optimistic. I’m in a pretty crappy mood as far as this thing goes because it was a pretty frustrating day because yesterday was good and today’s kind of horse(bleep).”


Translation: Get out of my face. Now. Ever seen me really pissed?


Lower back?

”Yes.”

Any discussion about an injection to reduce inflammation?

“No. I kicked around some of those ideas because it’s a tough time in spring training, trying to get everything going. You don’t really want setbacks this time of year. They basically told me that they couldn’t find a spot to put the shot in there.”

Did they discuss that maybe putting you on a plane for 17 hours (to Japan) might not be wise because of your back?

“No. We haven’t discussed any of that. We’re just doing what we’re saying, going day to day on how I feel. I pretty much have an interview with two or three doctors every day and report to the manager and pitching coach and my trainer.”

Have you had an MRI?

“Yes. We’ve done a number of tests. There’s nothing wrong with the disks, and I think that’s what they wanted to make sure of. It’s definitely a strained muscle or pulled muscle, whatever you want to call it. It heals when it heals.”


Translation: Nobody sticks a needle in me for a sore f-cking back. I’ll rub some dirt on it, chew on some nails and I’ll be ready to f-cking pitch.


Have you had anything like this?

“No. Not like this.”

Back issues before?

”No.”


Translation: Do not make me repeat myself. That’s strike two, bitch.


Any idea when you’ll be healthy?

”No, I have no idea.”


Translation: Do you get paid extra the more stupid the f-cking question?


Can you look far enough ahead to know the next time you can be on a mound?

”No. We’re going to make sure it’s completely pain free. I can’t even really if laying in one position too long, or sitting in one position too long or standing in one position too long it kind of goes backwards. I’ve got to keep moving and stuff like that.”

What do you do tomorrow?

“Whatever they want me to do. Probably the same as what today was.”


Translation: You’re really earning your keep today, shit-heels. Do you wanna see tomorrow?


Did it respond to treatment? As you’re standing here right now, is it feeling better?

“It’s kind of numb right now. I’ve had six or seven icepacks on it this morning.”

“I was a lot more optimistic yesterday than I am today. A lot of that has to do with being in a (expletive) mood because I didn’t sleep well.”

Translation: Conversation over. One more word and you go down. Hard.