Roger Clemens and his team of agents released a 40-something page report earlier this week, somehow intended to show that Rog didn’t use steroids. Personally, I’m a little unclear about how the mind-boggling array of statistics proves anything. Granted, I nodded off about 10 pages into it…maybe that was the plan? Sadly, there are no pictures of Debbie in her prime included in the report. Which would have been a brilliant distraction. The document includes enough charts and graphs to give the appearance that you are reading a 5-year sales forecast; so feel free to print it out and read it at work!

Clemens has all the credibility of the little kid who starts out with a simple little lie about why he didn’t have his homework done, and by the time he can stop himself, he’s telling everyone his parents were abducted by aliens and he spent the night with Fox Mulder on the Enterprise chasing the band of intergalactic kidnappers and bringing them to justice. I can’t help but think this is going to end up with the Rocket wearing and orange jumpsuit and answering some different questions regarding “anal injections” to a guy named Bubba McSqueeze.

Anyway, grab an extra Red Bull, here it is.