Listen up, Red Sox, Inc.: You can re-sign Tim Wakefield’s caddy, you can let Santana slide through your fingers, you can even refuse to release that much-promised Rico Petrocelli/Geezer Butler collaboration.
But if you let Tina Cervasio — AKA The Mouth of Truth, AKA She Whose Derriere Stoops to Conquer Even The Most Rugged and Batshyte of Closers — leave your TV network to run off to New York City, you’re gonna have a whole lot of trouble on your hands, in the form of pure drunken Irish blogger rage (the worst kind, really).
The source of my fear, pointed out to me by a fellow Tina-obsessed e-mailer, is this bit from today’s Inside Track:
Now don’t breathe a word of this. Because nobody’s supposed to know. But NESN’s Red Sox go-to gal Tina Cervasio was spotted in the Fox 5 newsroom down in NYC recently.
That would be the same Fox 5 that currently has an opening for a weekend sports anchor!
Word is, Tina’s contract with the Sox-owned NESN is up and they haven’t exactly shown our girl the love that she deserves. Pity…
Adding to the intrigue is the fact that Fox 5 GM Lew Leone hired Tina to work for him when he ran CBS2 in the Big Apple. So he is a fan.
Look here, nobody works a pantsuit in this town quite like Tina (with the possible exception of Bob Lobel). Hazel’s got the guns, Amalie’s got the brains, but Tina, she’s the complete package. Let’s just say I’ll be monitoring this situation very closely… and I’ve got an army of folks ready to mobilize at my command to block all of the major exit points of this fair city so as to intercept Tina before she makes it to Yankeeland. And that same army could very easily be dispatched to the NESN offices, our eight-foot Trojan Horse-like replica of Tina in tow, to stage the ultimate battle of the common man vs. corporate America.
Think about that, powers-that-be at NESN. Just think about it. No Tina, no peace.
(And, yes, that’s officially the fifteenth time I’ve used the photo above since I first screen-capped it last April. Because, seriously, can you ever get tired of seeing The Papel-Bot scope out Le Arse De Cervasio? The answer, of course, is blowin’ in the wind. And that answer is “no”.)