Game One, First Inning

Tito: So what was your plan of attack going into this?

Clint: Actually, we took a somewhat offbeat approach. After the NLCS, the whole team attended one of those Lord of the Rings retreat weekends, in which folks dress up in character and learn to use fire and magic and bend spirits to vanquish their enemies.

Tito: You’re serious?

Clint: As a heart attack, my friend. And we stayed in the Magic Forest and adopted the names of our inner warriors, such as Matsui the Conqueror, Hawpe the Thunderstryker, Francis the Stormbringer and Tulowitzki the Positively Unrestrainable, Especially After He’s Had a Few.

Tito: I see. That must have been pretty disappointing when your Stormbringer got nut-slapped for six runs in four innings.

Clint: ::Eyes closed:: I’m in the Magic Forest, man. I don’t hear you.

* * * * * * * *

Game One, Fifth Inning

Tito: Big double for Youk right here. Another run for us.


Tito: Huh?

Clint: Sorry. I was really trying to set an example for the guys. So instead of shouting expletives whenever things went bad for us, I’d just shout some random word.

Tito: Interesting.

Clint: Hey, at least it felt like we were losing with dignity.

Tito: Here’s Papi’s double. Another run!

Clint: Aw, mittens!

* * * * * * * *

Game Two, First Inning

Clint: At this point, we were already thinking ahead to game three in Denver. And we were kind of inspired by that idea the Indians had.

Tito: What? Digging up Beckett’s ex to sing the National Anthem?

Clint: Yeah. Only we were gonna dig up some of Julian Tavarez’ old flames.

Tito: Now that… was probably interesting.

Clint: It was. According to our crack research team, his last three romantic trysts were with, in no particular order, Miss Cross-Dressing Guatemala 1984, Betty White, and… a sock filled with toothpaste.

Tito: Sounds about right.

* * * * * * * *

Game Two, Ninth Inning:

Tito: This last strike out by Papelbon. The kid’s incredible.

Royce Clayton: Man, this is when sh#t went nuts. Nuts!

Tito: Royce? What the hell are you doing here in the soundbooth? What happened to Clint?

Royce: He left. I figgered, “Hell, I’ve done pretty much everything else during this series. Might as well be on the DVD.”

Tito: Well, everything except, y’know, play.

Royce: How come we ain’t got no tacos in here? ::Bangs on the glass:: Hey, someone get me some motherf@#kin’ tacos.

* * * * * * * *

Game Three, First Inning

Clint: Okay, this is where we hoped the towels would take over.

Tito: Those towels the fans are waving?

Clint: Yeah, that was a big part of our strategy. Our three-pronged attack was “Get fans to wave towels,” “Play good” and “Taint visiting clubhouse roast beef platter.”

Tito: How’d that work out for you?

Clint: Honestly, by the second inning I was watching “Mork & Mindy” on my iPod.

* * * * * * * *

Game Four, Eighth Inning

Tito: When Atkins hit that home run, we thought the momentum had finally swung over to you guys.

Clint: Really?

Tito: Oh yeah. I mean, you had the crowd fired up and made us go to our closer in the eighth inning. We were figuring that this thing was gonna go back to Boston. Seven games, easy.

Clint: Serious? You thought we were kickin’ it up a notch, huh?

Tito: ::laughing:: Are you shitting me? At this point, I was already pantsless in the clubhouse, firing up the vodka luge with Beckett and a coupla supermodels.

Clint: Interesting. This is right about the time I started thinking that pain in my back might be a tumor.

Tito: See that weird hand signal Paps is doin’? That’s clubhouse code for “save me a blonde.”

* * * * * * * *

The 2004 edition, with Tito and LaRussa, is available here.

Also, our pal Allan at Joy of Sox is in the running for a Canadian Blog Award. Check his post and slide a vote his way.