A couple years back, the stars aligned for a few brief moments and me, Denton, my sisters and a few other folks found ourselves granted access to the Red Sox clubhouse. During this quick “hurry-up-before-someone-realizes-you’re-here” affair, one of my sisters, an admitted Manny Ramirez obsessive, grabbed a pair of shower flip-flops from Manny’s locker and, clutching them to her chest, said, “These are coming with me.” Luckily, for health and legal reasons, we were able to talk her out of it.
What got me thinking of this story were the recent bits in the Herald discussing sales of various Red Sox players’ undergarments on eBay and other auction sites. Apparently a pair of Manny’s skivvies fetched $160 while Tek’s earned $255. The big money, however, went to none other than Matt Clement, whose boxers sold for over $400. Ladies and gentlemen, this last point may be proof that it’s finally time to abandon the Earth and colonize Mars.
Most recently, as Red Sox Monster pointed out, Youkilis’ jock strap was made available to the public on eBay. The listing was eventually taken down — no doubt after an appeal by FEMA — but the very fact that it was out there, the very fact that someone sat down at a computer and reasoned, “Someone will pay money to have Kevin Youkilis’ used jock,” is a concept as frightening to me as nuclear war, open heart surgery, and the Spice Girls reunion tour all rolled into one.
That said, if a pair of Tina Cervasio’s slacks ever make it to public auction, I’m looking into a second mortgage.