Boston gets publicity for having a guy shave his goatee for charity. Baltimore gets publicity for having a guy that jerks off in every hotel room he stays at. This is just too good to be true. Exactly what we need during the off-season when A-Rod versus Lowell talk starts to get old. Aside from his now-infamous-though-disputed “Baltimore is horseshit” statements, Aubrey Huff also got down and dirty with Bubba the Love Sponge (and I feel dirty just typing that) about his sex life on the road…with himself.

Most of the transcript can be found here, but the gist of it is, the Louisville Slugger isn’t the only bat Huff handles on a regular basis:

Bubba: “Now Aubrey, do you jack off a lot on the road, like when you’re not
with your wife.”

Huff: “It’s all I do. It’s all I do. You guys have no idea how much downtime there is in baseball. You wake up from a hangover about 1 o’clock.”

Producer shouts: “In the afternoon?”

Huff: “Oh, yeah! Lemme tell you this. When you are hung over, how
horny are you? I’m horny, when I’m hungover, I’m horny. So I’m just gonna
beat off. And that’s all I do.”

As if that wasn’t Nobel Peace Prize worthy, Huff goes on:

Huff: “No, that’s my own gig. When you check out and she (the hotel
clerk) says, $34.99 and she looks at you as you’re checking out: ‘Ahh, you beat
the shit outta it, didn’t ya?’ ‘Yeah, pretty much! Yeah, I jacked the
fucking shit outta it!’ ”

Bubba: “So they did the room and you do the incidentals.”

Huff: “Yeah, incidentals are all us, which include porn. And jacking

Incidentals. Gotta love it.