Hey New England. Bob Swerski here, filling on for Red and Denton. Denton is currently being “detained” for his behavior after watching last nights game. Apparently, Boston’s finest don’t appreciate skinny gents dropping trow in the local watering hole and giving the one-finger salute. And Red, at last report, was shirtless and face-down on Eutaw Street, mumbling incoherently about 2004. So after numerous calls to famous celebrities and writers to fill in, including my brother Bill who is currently recovering from a Budweiser and braut-induced heart attack – number 14 for those keeping score at home – the SG execs tracked me down to steer the ship.
So how is everybody doing? Did everybody catch the showing of Little Giants Thursday night? I mean, the Red Sox had an off-night so it seems like a legitimate question. With all of the talent Iron Mike has, acting is right up at the top of the list. He really made that movie his own. Genius, pure genius.
But that’s not really what I’m here to talk about. They want me to tell you about the Red Sox game. Well, it’s hard for me to focus right now, with Da Bears playing tonight, but here goes. The game sucked. The Sox finally take the lead after a great pitching duel, and then the new guy, Gagne, pisses it away. He’s French ya know, you do the math. If this happened during the 1986 Bears Superbowl season, Mr. Gagne would be hanging off a locker by his jock with his butt-cheeks duct-taped together. Clubhouse justice, just like the old west. But without the guns, and Indians and stuff.
Anyway, don’t you worry about those Sox. They got Beckett and Schilling going up against two guys not named Bedard – you see what I’m saying? They’re playing the Orioles. Now if they were playing Da Bears or if Da Bulls were in the AL East, you might be hearing me sing a different song. Do you remember the Superbowl Shuffle? ‘Cause I remember one night in Chicago…