I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: Nothing frightens me more than the sight of David Ortiz trying to leg out an extra base. His is a body crafted for home run trots, light strolls through the Public Gardens and brisk sashays to the buffet table at Kowloons to see if they’ve replenished the boneless spare-rib tray. But barrelling mad-assedly into third while an outfielder readies his throw? No, no, no, please. My heart can’t take it. Every time Papi kicks it into third, I get sick images of his hamstrings rolling up like someone letting go of a plastic curtain, or his ankles simply saying, “f#@k this” and folding up like deck chairs.

But how can I bust on the man for going all out, for seeing the dangling carrot that was that extra base and going for it? To put it simply, I cannot. Despite my brief trip to Heart Attack and Vine, he churned out a three-bagger in the first inning of last night’s game without injury to himself or innocent bystanders, putting himself in position to score on Manny’s sac fly.

What makes our second straight win over the Rays even more impressive is the fact that Carl Crawford and crew are honest-to-joe-maddon super-heroes. Apparently, during Sunday games at the Trop, episodes of the Devil Rays action cartoon, Defenders of the Game, are shown on the jumbotron, featuring animated versions of the D-Rays players, as well as Joe Maddon and — I’m not making this up — Don Zimmer.

Wanna see ’em for yourself? Check the videos on the Devil Rays’ home page.

The Rays get Carl Crawford as “Streak” and we can’t convince NESN to greenlight Go, Mike Timlin’s Neighborhood Defense Youth Squad, Go!? That’s a f#@kin’ travesty.

HT: The D-Rays Blog.