Open Letter to the Red Sox:

OK, ladies, we’re playing the Kansas City Royals. No more screwing around. If there isn’t a sweep going on this week, I’ll personally come looking for you. You ever seen 170 pounds of angry Denton? Trust me, it ain’t pretty.

The friggin‘ Yankee fans are starting to hope again and none of us need that shite. The ’78 references and the 26 rings talk is next. End it. This week.

Captain Tek? Yeah, you. Glad to see you sucked it up with your finger boo-boo and are back in the line-up. Cuz if I have to look at Mirabelli with a bat in his hand more than once every five days, it makes me wanna start punching nuns.

Batshit – no more “fifth starter” breaks for you. This is a bunch of guys from Missouri or Kansas for cryin‘ out loud. Get them out.

The rest of you – you know what to do.