Randy Johnson stands 6’10″ and ugliness oozes out of every pore. Dustin Pedroia stands 5-foot-nothing and needs a step-stool to pee in the big boy’s toilet. I have this vision of The Unit plunking Dustin with a 90+ MPH fastball. Pedroia, being nobody’s bitch, immediately charges the mound and instead of taking a swing, starts nipping at Johnson’s ankles like a rabid poodle. When Johnson finally shakes him off his pant-leg, Pedroia stands tall and does start throwing haymakers. But Johnson has already countered, placing his hand on the little man’s head, so Dustin is swinging at air, 3 Stooges-style. Remy and Orsillo are, of course, providing Emmy-worthy commentary.

Then Tek jogs over and beats Johnson into a big pile of ugly. ‘Cause that’s how he rolls…