Watching the NESN replay of Curt’s one-hitter just made me want to see him get that no-no even more. My god, to come that bloody close… it just doesn’t seem right. If you’re gonna throw a one-hitter, let that one hit happen in the first fu-kin’ inning, so we can all sit down and relax and enjoy the rest of the game without going into cardiac arrest on every pitch. But losing it with two out in the ninth? That’s setting a man up for a lifetime of what could have been, although it underscores the five most important rules for Red Sox pitchers:

1) Don’t shake off Tek
2) Don’t shake off Tek
3) Don’t shake off Tek
4) Don’t fall for Tavarez’ “Anybody wanna see my cockring?” joke
5) Don’t shake off Tek

Anyway, it got me thinking of that Pedro game in Tampa Bay back in 2000, when Gerald Williams, the first goddam batter of the game, charged the mound and got a good swing in at Pete before being taken down, V-Tek style. Fired up, Pedro got up, dusted himself off, and proceeded to set down the next 24 freakin D-Rays with extreme prejudice, carrying his reign of terror into the ninth until John Flaherty — John Motherf–king Flaherty — belted a single. Gotta tell you, I ’bout near lost it then, almost shattering my hand as I punched it into the wall. My wife came downstairs and told me, succinctly, that this sh-t had to stop, and I spent the next two hours walking aimlessly around my neighborhood — as I might typically do on any given weeknight, only this time I had my pants on — and wishing for every conceivable measure of torment to land upon John Flaherty’s noggin. Yeah, we got the win, but how cool would that line be on Pedro’s curriculum vitae: Got punched by a Devil Ray, then bitch-slapped the entire team into submission.

Also got me thinking of Hideo Nomo’s no-no which I believe was his first start with the Red Sox. Again, this one had drama in the ninth, when someone — I can’t recall who — looped a little pop fly into shallow center and Mike Lansing, who before Mike Timlin arrived was The Sox Player Most Likely to Be Mistaken for a Felon, made an amazing catch, seemingly bending time and space to get to the ball before it dropped.

Anyway, tonight we head to Areezonah where Beckett goes for number 9. Let’s hope the bats show up. Especially Lugo’s, as he’s my second favorite player on the team. Of course, my first favorite is every other Sox player, as well as Tom Bosley, the guy who played “Murdoch” on the A-Team, assorted members of the Black Panthers and Darth Vader.

Oh well. About the only thing that can cheer me up now is watching the Red Hot Chili Peppers going all Dave Chapelle’s Block Party. Enjoy.