Frankly, you can keep your “I have a dream” and “Ask not what your country can do for you” and that “fourscore and seven years” bullshyte. In my house, James Earl Jones explaining that “people will come” is the greatest thing in the history of things. We say it at breakfast, at family reunions, before anyone’s allowed to open a single f–king present on Christmas morning. Think you’re gonna carve that turkey before you give us the “people will come” speech, junior? Better guess again. That’s our religion, buddy. The reason we get up every morning and check the box scores and flip on NESN and light a candle in front of the Remy shrine. It’s why we only date chicks named Hazel or Tina or Amalie and call our boss “Tito” and insist that every successful business deal be punctuated by one of those Ortiz-inspired points to the sky. It’s why we can’t go on that big rock climbing weekend and have to be back home by 7:05pm every night and won’t go to bed ’til we get the Yankees score.

And now, we get to bask in it all over again. Because baseball is back. The Red Sox are back. It’s all starting up again today. This afternoon. At 4:05pm. Remy Standard Time.

And it’s in HiDef on NESN. Got a HiDef set? If not, you may want to go out and grab one soon, Colonel. Like on your lunchbreak. This ain’t no f–king weenie roast, man. This is Red Sox Opening Day.

Thank God.