Folks, we are living in bold new times in which it is truly exciting to be a fan of excitement. An era in which Doug Mirabelli — yes, that Doug Mirabelli — has two more home runs and twenty less at-bats than Jason Varitek. In which Journeyman Flutterball Guy Tim Wakefield has more wins and a smaller ERA than handsomely paid import Daisuke Matsuzaka. In which the offense drives in actual runs across an actual plate when Wakefield’s on the mound.

I know we’re only a couple weeks into this thing, but come on. What’s next? Flying machines?

We talk a lot about Beckett being the guy who has to keep it all together this year, and we ooh and ahh as Curt amps it up and chug down the Asahi Super Dry when Matsuzaka steps to the hill. And in the background, quietly, effectively, Wake has put together some extremely impressive performances, including last night’s gem that saw him limit the Jays to four hits and one run through seven, the master stroke being a bases-loaded strike out of Jason Philips, who didn’t know whether to sh-t or wind his watch when the knuckleball floated past him.

Once again, Mike Timlin puts it best. When asked about Wakefield in today’s Globe he simply says, “When I grow up, I’m going to be just like him.”

And how about Mirabelli? This is a guy who used to spell certain death in the line-up. To the point that you’d almost rather drag a chimpanzee to the plate, put a bat in its hand, and say, “just do it” with the game on the line. But this year, he appears to be in the business of kicking ass and putting up runs for His Man Wake. And business, thus far, has been good.

With today’s Halladay-Tavarez match-up seeming a bit one-sided, and the disappointment of Tuesday night’s opener still fresh in our mouths, we needed last night’s win like I need to be locked in a small filing cabinet with Maggie Gyllenhaal. Wakefield stepped in and — as casually as the Fonz would elbow the jukebox to set those crazy kids dancing — got sh-t done. Cut. Print.

Oh, and thank you to the NESN camera crew, producers, et al, for finally giving me the close-up shot of the Rogers Centre beer girls that my life has been so empty without. I am officially taking your good tidings and paying it forward, posting their glory in the photo above for all to bask in. FYI, while both are stunning, I believe I favor the one on the right, who has a sort of young Elisabeth Shue thing going on.

See you at 12:37, Remy Standard Time.