In no particular order

The Haze. The Captain of My Heart. Always a classic. Always in style. Always inspiring that twisted dream with the 16 metric tons of vanilla ice cream and a Slip’n’Slide. It’s a simple fact that when we’re kissing our women, we’re thinking of Hazel. We’re all just dogs like that.

Tina Cervasio. When Tina C first entered the scene, she seemed kinda like, y’know, Hazel’s innocuous roommate; the one you saw everytime you came over to their place to try to make time with Haze. But then, after a while, you realized you had so much more in common with Tina since you both love Everything But The Girl and Hal Hartley’s films and Rushmore and you notice over your fifth can of Old Milwaukee that she looks damn fine in her low-rise jeans and her “Sox Fan 4 Life” T-shirt and before you know it, the two of you are snuggling up in the bleachers, bookended by shirtless frat guys from BC and dazed on eight dollar drafts. And you realize it was her. All along it was her. At least until Hazel shows up again in her leather pants.

Amelie Benjamin. blogger extraordinaire. Beat writer of my dreams. Believe me when I say that my plans for world domination involve Amelie riding shotgun in my Reliant K, sharing her strawberry soda with me as my army of killer robots decimates the countryside.

Jerry Remy. Where the Rem is concerned, man crushes are not only allowed, they’re encouraged.