Not since the guy pictured above has someone been as hard to find as J.D. Drew. Is he signed or not? Will he be patrolling the right field in a Red Sox uni for half a season, or are the Cubs really trying to get him? Or is there something else going on? A few theories…

Drew was abducted by aliens and this is all a government cover-up. If he comes back wearing number 51, well, you do the math.

The “signing” was all smoke and mirrors and really wasn’t going to happen unless Manny was traded.

He is in a secret North Carolina training camp being fitted with brass nuts, an angry scowl, and learning how to be a dirt dog.

J.D. Drew doesn’t really exist, he was just a figment used in the Matsuzaka negotiations; the Keyser Soze of baseball.

His shoulder fell off while he was brushing his teeth and he has been in rehab learning how to throw lefty.

Other ideas?