Let’s see. Earth Wind and Fire all cued up?


Seventy-five solid hours of Rice highlight footage loaded up in the DVD player and set to “loop”?


Including the bit where I rushed out of the dugout and saved that kid who was hit by the ball?

It’s in there.

Members of the Baseball Writers Association tied up, Clockwork Orange-style?



Excellent. Now. It’s time to begin.

Hey, lemme know when yer done, Jimmeh. I’m gonna roll ten straight showings of Mr. Holland’s Opus for these f–kers.