Anyone who follows Star Trek — and it’s quite possible I’ve just lost half our readership with those five words — knows that when it comes to the feature films in this franchise’s extensive canon, the even-numbered flicks are the best.
The first one, Star Trek: The Motion Picture, was pure horsesh-t, although it did feature the hottest bald chick since Sinead O’Connor. Star Trek 2, on the other hand, was unquestionably awesome. Star Trek 3 was drivel, but Star Trek 4 was arguably the best of ’em all. Star Trek 5 was directed by Shatner — ’nuff said — but Star Trek 6 — featuring Kim Cattrall! — was smashtastic. Star Trek: Generations (which we’ll call Star Trek 7 to suit our purposes) was like a lethal injection of torpor, but Star Trek 8 was brilliant (and my personal favorite). Star Trek 9 was abhorrent, but Star Trek 10 — despite the fact that only me and my cousin Flynnie went to see it — was a nice return to form.
Over the past couple years, you could almost say the same thing about the Sox’ situation at shortstop. In 2004, an even-numbered year, we had Nomar — and people, you must understand, I love me some Nomar — and then we had Cabby. All things considered, a good year to be a Red Sox fan. In 2005, an odd-numbered year, we had Edgah, which seemed like a good idea at the time, but quickly evolved into one of the worst pick-ups of the New World Order. Then, in 2006, an even-numbered year, sh-t got right when we signed A-Gon: a splendid glove and a bat that actually flirted with .290 once or twice throughout the season.
So now we come to 2007, which kicks off what we will hopefully someday look back upon fondly as “the Julio Lugo Era.” And I pray to The Gammons that it’s more The Voyage Home than The Search for Spock.
Lastly, in case anyone was in danger of not getting their full day’s supply of Vitamin Knoblauch: