Sunday’s Boston Globe had this bit of news in the Baseball Notes section: “Been hearing a lot about Kevin Millar eyeing a return to Boston as a bat off the bench and a presence to re-energize a flat Red Sox clubhouse.”
There was probably no one harder on El Bencho throughout his cringe-inducing performance in 2005 than yours truly. But I will say this: I miss that manic pep squad energy he brought to the team. Guy was like Red Bull in human form, slapping ass and rallying the troops and installing himself as the team’s somewhat demented General Patton. He pulled double time as the team’s official mascot [Karaoke Guy], gave himself the second greatest nickname in Boston sports history, and provided much-needed comic relief whenever our world came crashing down around us. Not to mention his infamous “don’t let us win tomorrow” oration during the 2004 ALCS, which totally deserves a spot in every history textbook printed from here on out.
That said, me and my ulcer don’t ever need to see Millar in a Boston uni clutching a bat with a game on the line. But if he would come back as, say, a basecoach/inspirational guru/between-innings entertainment/Quote-O-Matic for the local sports scribes, hell yeah! I’d make room on the bus for El Bencho. Even better, and I’ve pleaded for this before, give him his own show on NESN. Let him follow the 2007 team around as they tear through city after city, chase tail in airport bars, get Mike Timlin sprung on a technicality… that sort of thing. I’ll admit, the 2006 team was missing that je ne sais quoi. Yeah, our pitching mostly sucked and the offense took a dive, but still… if we’d had Millar close at hand, we may have gone down with smiles on our faces, rather than whimpering in the corner, beer cans and stale meats strewn around us.
Simply put, if we can get him with a microphone in his hand instead of a baseball glove, then I’m all for better living through El Bencho.