If you’re gonna do this goddam thing, do it right. Talk about how you hit 32 home runs during that magical 1979 season and how we were the only f–kin’ club to win it all without a single 15-game winner on our staff. You may want to mention my big-ass home run in the eleventh inning of Game One of the series. You may also bring up the fact that Kent Tekulve — ugliest mofo in baseball this side of my man Greg Luzinski — led the whole freakin’ league with 94 appearances. Sing “We Are Family” — that was our theme song, you dig? — and let everybody know that there ain’t no half-steppin’ to Bert Blyleven. Most of all, keep it real. Wear your cake box hat proud, man. Give out “Willie Stars” to everyone who does right by you today. And no takin’ the name of Chuck Tanner in vain. Peace.