Hey God. Red here. You know, I don’t ask for much. And seeing as how you never saw fit to grant me that thing with the lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls and the soft-serve ice cream machine, I figured I’d try again with something a little less complicated.

Please, please, please, please don’t let the Yanks clinch it on our watch. Just give us two wins. If my math is correct, two wins will spare us. It’ll keep their magic number at two, and allow us to get outta Dodge without watching Bobby Abreau dry-humping Hideki Matsui in front of a bajillion screaming Yanks fans.

That’s all I ask. Please. Wait ’til we’re far, far outta town.

Thank you.