In a season that has brought us plague, pestilence and Jason Johnson, Ortiz has been the one sure thing. Our go-to guy whenever games — not to mention our spirits — are on the line. And he’s the total package. As if someone took the poise and talent of Teddy Ballgame, Rice and Yaz but added a dash of Kevin Millar-style gregariousness. If he was an episode of Charlie’s Angels, he’d be one with Farrah. If he was a Star Wars movie; no question, he’d be Empire. If he was a Stones album, he’d be everything before Tattoo You. He’s quite possibly the one, single thing that kept an entire Nation tuned in to each and every game, long after our hopes tore madly from our bodies like a Craig Hansen fastball leaving Fenway. And when he’s not at the ballpark, he’s keeping kids off drugs, saving cats from trees, baking cookies for the elderly, and helping the Fantastic Four beat down Galactus. He is the Mighty Ortiz, and so long as he can take bat in hand, we’ll always have something to look forward to in each and every game. And that’s what it’s all about.
Just a great game last night, and a rare instance of my prediction coming true. I’m happy to have somewhat called that Josh Beckett performance in yesterday’s post. If the season was truly a movie, last night’s game would have been the one you’d want to end it all on. But at least we’ve got a few more games to up Papi’s home run totals.
Also, if you ever needed a reason to watch the FOX show The War at Home — the one with everyone’s favorite homeboy and star of True Romance Michael Rappaport — here it is: The episode that airs on Sunday, September 24 will show one of the characters at a comic book convention. And if you look closely, in one scene at the convention, you will see a neatly arranged stack of copies of Surviving Grady: The Book. These photos below, sent to us by publisher extraordinaire Larry Young, were taken on the set. With my high-tech photo enhancing software, I’ve indicated the SG books. We’re terribly excited about what will be our 3.2 microseconds of fame, although we were disheartened to hear that FOX cut the scene that featured Denton and Conrad Bain as transvestites.
Lastly, quote of the decade goes to Kyle Farnsworth:
As the celebration slowed, reliever Kyle Farnsworth took note of the fact that the Red Sox would occupy the same sodden room tomorrow.
“The best thing is Boston has to come in here next,” he said. “It’s the smell of victory they’ve got to smell. You can print that.”
What the frick? “You can print that?” Who talks like that? Cary Grant? Some Prohibition-era gangster who just beat an FBI rap? Funny dude. Also, a complete tw@t.