::Arranging chess pieces on a board:: Okay. Wang can start the ALDS. Then we’ll go to Moose. And then… hmmm… ::phone rings:: Hello?

Mr. Cashman, Theo Epstein’s here to see you.

Great. Send him in. ::hangs up phone:: Must… assume… human… form…

There! Excellent. Come in!

Hello. Let’s make this quick.

So you know why you’re here.

Of course I do. Can we just get it over with?

Yes, we can. As you recall, our bet stated that whoever’s team wins the AL East will receive one thousand dollars cash.

It’s all here in this bag.

Splendid. And the loser, as you recall, would be surgically attached to pop singer Bruce Hornsby for an entire calendar year. Mr. Hornsby, I’d like to introduce you to Mr. Epstein.

Hey there. Listen, this is an honor for me. And I want to assure you that even though most people know me for my AOR hit “The Way It Is,” I plan to delve deep into my catalogue over the next year.


In fact, here’s something from one of my lesser known albums, “Hot House.” ::Starts singing::

Oh, glorious. I love this one. ::Dances::

You sure this was for one year?

Starting today. The procedure will be conducted by one of our team physicians. Just take the North Elevator down to the sub-basement. He’s waiting for you there.


Hey, is it okay if “The Range” come to visit us from time to time?

Just shut the f–k up and come on, wouldya?

I’ll be down to see you once you’re in post-op. I want to personally see the happy couple off.

::head out toward elevator::

And to think, that could have been me. Heh heh heh.

Mr. Cashman, Omar Minaya on line one.

Huh? Omar? ::picks up phone:: Hello?

Greetings, Cash Man. Getting ready for the playoffs?

Yeah. We are. What about you?

Oh, yes. I was just calling to make sure you didn’t forget about our little bet.

::gasps:: Er. Uh. No. No, I haven’t. Why? You don’t plan on winning it, do you?

Just checking in. I’ll see you in the World Series, my friend. Ha ha ha. ::hangs up phone::

Yo! Is it time for me to head over to Cashman’s?

All in good time, Fred Durst. All in good time.

Apologies to The Dugout, and Bruce Hornsby, who really does rock.