Good news: Although your schedule indicates today as an off day, there will, in fact, be baseball at Fenway!
Bad news: If, like me, you’re a working stiff, a veritable slave to the Man, you’re going to miss said game: It starts at 1:05pm EST.
Of course, there’s no reason employment should intefere with one’s enjoyment of the game. So, as a public service to you, Surviving Grady presents the following tips for gettin’ your game on in spite of the obvious professional commitments.
1) The “Web Seminar”: Here’s a little corporate secret: No one really knows what web seminars are. But man, does it sound impressive when you can rattle off such sentiments as, “Carl and I have got one hundred clients lined up for next week’s web seminar.” Start off your Monday morning tactical by announcing that you’ve gotten “the call” to moderate a quick “web seminar” to assist several client contacts with “the roll out.” [You don’t need to specify exactly what it is you’re “rolling out.” The phrase “roll out” is so powerful in and of itself that any would-be naysayers will instantly be silenced and, even better, be instantly reduced to feelings of inadequacy, especially if they themselves have nothing to roll out.] At 1:00pm put a sticky note on your door with the words “Web Seminar in Progress.” People will steer clear, enabling you to turn on EEI, remove pants, enjoy game.
2) The “You Buy, I’ll Fly”: This is a good one. Tell your co-workers that you’re willing to drive to Dunkin’ Donuts to hook them up with some much-needed afternoon caffeine. They just have to pony up the cash to make up for the $25.00 in gasoline you’ll burn through. Collect their monies. Head to the local bar. Watch several innings. Order multiple beers. Brag loudly to the guy next to you that you’ve got “a fiver” on Wakefield going eight. Return to the office hours later. When people ask about the coffee, become defensive, and mention how your all-bran diet has pushed you to the brink of homicide. When the police arrive, ask if any of them were personally involved in that cool Doug Mirabelli motorcade.
3) The “Brutal Honesty”: Stand up in the middle of your 1:00 meeting and declare, “I’m sorry, but what’s going on right now at Yawkey Way is infinitely more important than anything you oafs will conjure over the next two hours.” Get up, walk out the door, head home, enjoy the game. Ultimately, who’s gonna bring you more pleasure over the long haul: your boss or the Remdog? You got that right.