In some ways, as pathetic as it might sound, I'd rather have lost last night's game by that 6-3 score that held through 7 innings. I could have chalked it up as another Matt Clement implosion, finished off my apertif, then headed to off bed, thanking God that we've got Beckett tonight to help stave off a potential 0-for-three showing against the Jays, factoring in Sox Killer Ted Lilly's start on Wednesday.

Instead, Tek drives a three-run jobber and we're all knotted up. Just like my stomach. Because when I see us get so close to victory, I begin to realize that the only thing standing between us and said victory are the fellas in the new, Timlin-free bullpen. Tavarez, Seanez, Delcarmen, Van "who?" Buren... it's really like choosing between different flavors of arsenic these days. My first thought was the Papel-Bot. Sure, you'd be asking for two innings out of his magic arm, but this is a critical game at the start of a critical road trip against a division rival. Would you be asking too much? I don't think so. But, again, I own every episode of The Monkees on DVD. If not the 'Bot, then surely Foulke, who is scary, but certainly preferable to anyone else out there in such a situation.

Instead, Tito went for the appropriately named Riske, and paid the price. And the fact that it was Smarm-Master Shea Hillenbrand who stroked the game-winning hit? Salt in the wound, people.

This is why I would have preferred the 6-3. Or even 6-0. Sure, it's nice to sit back and say, "Well, they proved they've got some fight in 'em. That you can't keep 'em down." But if it doesn't bag me a W, seriously, you can keep it. And this game, at least from the comfort of my armchair, looked winnable. With a little jiggering. A little thinking outside the box. A little taking advantage of the other team's gaff -- namely, not bringing in B.J. "That thing got a hemi?" Ryan to face Tek -- and maneuvering the chess pieces accordingly. Clement, giving up 6 runs over 3.1 innings in an appalling display, was outpitched, outclassed, and outquaffed by Halladay, but we still ended up in a damn good position to win. We just couldn't seal the deal.

So now I spiral. I feel the fear setting in. What if we go 0-10 on this trip? Or 1-9? Who's gonna step in for Wells tomorrow night? Are we heading back to DiNardo Land? What if Beckett can't get the job done? When is Clemens and/or Dontrelle Willis getting here? When's the "Folks, we're sorry, but we really f--ked up with this whole signing Matt Clement thing" press conference on Yawkey Way?

It's just one loss after four straight wins. But it was a tough one. One that, hopefully, won't set the tone for this road trip.