The law of averages dictates that Wily Mo Pena is, at some point this season, going to stop unleashing pure, unadulterated suck by the barrel. You heard it here first, folks: It’s gonna happen.

It’s better to be in first place in September than in April. Really, who needs the pressure?

This scoring only six runs over the last 27 innings is clearly just a funk. The boys should be snapping out of it any day soon. Or perhaps we’re just saving ’em up for the big New York series. That sound right. Yeah.

Schilling is fine.

Beckett? He’s fine, too.

Wakefield will win his next 15 starts.

Mark Loretta going 5-for-36 over the last 8 games? A fluke.

No, that shirt doesn’t make you look like Mick Hucknall. Now get out there and mingle.

It will all be better once Roger gets here.

Of course I don’t miss Bronson Arroyo and his 4-0 record, his 2.34 ERA, his 30 strike-outs or his friggin’ 0.92 WHIP. Why would you even ask that?

Hits — like wins — come in bunches. And there’ll be sh-tloads here in due time, buddy. Just you wait. You’ll see.

That girl from Blossom: Not entirely un-hot.