Howie: Ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege to present one of the true characters left in baseball today. From the lair of the Chunichi Dragons, to a world championship in Boston, now landing in Baltimore, meet Kevin Millar.

KM: Woo-wee, thanks Howie! I just gotta say I’m happy to be in Baltimore. Love the team, love the rivalry!

Howie: Kevin Millar, you play for the Baltimore Orioles. The only rivalry here is between Boog’s Barbecue and the hot dog vendors.

KM: You’re damn skippy, Howie. Did you know there’s a city in Japan called Fukuoka? Pretty funny name, huh? Woo! Me and the boys had a few laughs over that after a few Saki’s!

Howie: Kevin, truth be told, you had a pretty tough season in 2005. What do you expect to bring to Baltimore?

KM: Well Howie, without the greenies, I’m not expecting much at the plate. I can’t run a lick and my defense is suspect at best. What I bring is a little something I like to call the untangibles.

Howie: Don’t you mean…

KM: You know what I mean! Ali had his poems and his swagger. I’ve got slogans and karaoke! Check it out!

::hits play on boombox – “Brick House” blares – Millar begins his version of The Robot::

Howie: You, sir, are no Cassius Clay. He would beat you senseless for uttering his name in the same century as his. I’m having a hard time not slapping your face myself. And may I say, you are the whitest white man this side of Jerry Remy.

KM: Shake-it-down-shake-it-down-now…