Remy here. A lot of people don’t realize what’s really going on. They view life as a bunch of unconnected incidents ‘n things. They don’t realize that there’s this, like, lattice of coincidence that lays on top of everything. Give you an example: suppose you’re thinkin’ about a plate of shrimp. Suddenly someone’ll say, like, “plate”, or “shrimp”, or “plate of shrimp” out of the blue, no explanation. No point in lookin’ for one, either.

What does it all mean? F–ked if I know. But here’s a quick, rambling list of things that Red is looking forward to in the 2006 season. Feel free to add your own, Tiger.

The inevitable cult of A-Gon: He’s here! He’s here! Nothing against Edgah, of course, but toward the end of last season, I wouldn’t have trusted the guy to pick up a Beef and Cheddar at the local Arby’s, let alone keep things safe around the infield.

Coco Crisp’s first Fenway game: I was fortunate to have been at Manny’s Fenway debut. First pitch he sees ends up sailing toward Revere Beach and the whole place goes white-hot crazy. You just know that if Crisp goes horizontal to snare a sinking line drive, there’ll be a thunderous indoctrination that’ll probably last about five minutes. It’s that quasi-magical “Welcome to the Nation” moment. And I can’t wait.

Return of the Remy: Need I say more? Why NESN refuses to supply us with Winter Remdawg is a question best referred to the FBI.

Perhaps Mike Lowell Won’t Suck: The general consensus is that Lowell just ain’t no good anymore [coughsteroidscough], and that we’re gonna be carrying dead weight at third all year, especially since we just handed off Andy Marte to the Cleveland Indians. But what if Lowell finds his form? What if Fenway brings out the best in him, and, responding to all this negativity, he reaches deep down inside himself to pull out one his most productive seasons ever? Yeah, of course it’s not going to happen, but, come on, it’s cool to at least imagine it, right?

Manny and Ortiz: Another year of watching these two leave grown men whizzing their pants in terror? You’re damn right I’m excited about it. We knew Manny wasn’t going anywhere, and with the line-up looking like it does right now… we honestly can’t afford to lose him.

Beckett on the Hill: He was bold, brash and all electric during the 2003 World Series. Now he’s on our team. My gut tells me that in 2006, “Beckett Games” will become in my house what “Pedro Games” were back in the day: The ones where you just had to see every last pitch.

Kelly the Ball Girl: Attention Authorities: I laugh at you and your ridiculous “restraining orders.” So long as I’ve got my third-base line seats and an active imagination, she’s mine. All mine.

Most of these have appeared in the recent issue of Barstool Sports.

BTW: Johnny Damon was interviewed on the David Lee Roth show this morning. It was something for the time-vault of oddities, my friends. Watch the Roth show website for the inevitable mp3.