The debate rages on. Bigger than Roe v. Wade and more talked about than Nixon-Kennedy. Trade Manny or keep him? Personally, I’m ready to move on. Trade him or keep him, just stop talking about it and speculating about ridiculous trade possibilities. For the “trade Manny” camp, SG put a man on the street to get the definitive word.
Sully – South Boston landscaper: “My buddy and me was at a game when Manny coulda had a double if he hustled, ya know, but he stopped at first. We started chanting ‘Man-ny Sucks’ but it didn’t catch on. We were in the bleachers, ya know, so we started chuckin’ pennies at him. Once he turned around, ya know, and we mooned him. Then we got kicked out. So that’s why we should trade his ass.”
Vinnie – Revere parking lot attendant: “I gut your ‘Manny being Manny’ right here!” (grabs crotch) “Guys like that we gut a name for, and we know what to do with ‘em.”
Charles – Needham Investment Banker: “Clearly, following the market correction, the baseball economics have changed. Manny’s contract has matured to a point that makes it fiscally possible to achieve an acceptable ROI. This feasibility did not exist previously.”
Betty – Medford Hairdresser: “Manny friggin’ sucks. Sure he can hit but what else does he bring to the table? He don’t make no funny commercials or do those interviews with Hazel after the games. I don’t trust him.”
Joey – Unemployed, living in his mother’s basement in Franklin: “I’ll tell ya the same thing I told those guys on WEEI, get rid of him. I went over his stats – did you realize that on day games that Wake pitched that came after a night game that was a loss, Manny’s OBP is only .329? And against righties who throw over 92 MPH on their fastball, Manny is hitting .278 when the count is full. Who needs it for 20 million? I called in and gave the numbers to Dale and Holly and all they wanted to talk about was homeruns and RBI. Then I proposed a Manny for Andruw Jones and they blew me up. Can you stand it?”
There you have it, folks. If you were undecided, this should seal the deal.
Editor’s Note: These interviews were not sponsored by Mensa.