That sound you hear is the hot stove officially flickering to life. Pending a physical to ensure that shagging the impossibly hot Leann Tweeden hasn’t shaved years off his life or otherwise damaged his major organs, Josh Beckett will become a member of the Boston Red Sox. At 25 — roughly 53 years younger than Curt Schilling — Beckett injects a bit of youth into the rotation. Plus, he’s actually pretty f–king good, which is nice. Tends to spend a bit more time on the DL than you’d like to see, but if he can stay healthy… man, this is a good pick-up.

The price? Florida gets Anibal Sanchez and Hanley Ramirez. Hell, we knew once Edgah washed up in town that Ramirez was likely heading somewhere else. At least we’re getting some value in return. Oh, and conveniently packaged along with Beckett comes Gold Glove third-baseman Mike Lowell, seen here in a 1998 photo:

So now we have something to discuss at the Thanksgiving table besides Aunt Billie’s gallstones and what in the hell cousin Janey’s gonna do with another baby. Do the Sox flip Lowell for someone else? Will there be more big-bam-boom moves over the holiday weekend to help remove the stench of Theogate? Is there any chance Beckett could re-ignite his long-dead relationship with Tweeden to create the unstoppable tagteam of excellence that would be Leann and Mrs. Damon on the NESN pre-game?

Pass the gravy, motherf–ker. I’m pretty stoked about this. You?