OK, trying to find a way to tie in baseball with Thanksgiving just isn’t easy. The Hot Stove takes a long weekend and all the stories are about football. So instead, enjoy a few quotes from Turkey Day with Red.

“My illegitimate son, Helmut, turns 24 this year.”

“I had this thing in college, when I’d drink, I’d eat cigarettes. Filter and all.”

“Christ, he’s got calfs like a mailman. And he’s hung like a mule.”

“If I eat that I’ll be peeing out my butt for hours.”

“Then she started playing the spoons on the black girl’s boobs!”

A few dozen renditions of Adam Sandler’s Thanksgiving song, a whole lot of Red Bull and Vodka later, and you’ve got yourself a holiday.