::Knock at the door at Yawkey Way::
Francona: Who is it?
Guillen: Ozzie, man. Open up.
Francona: Ozzie? What do you want?
Guillen: You know what I’m here for. Open up.
Francona [amidst sound of shuffling papers, boxes overturning, etc]: Actually… I have no idea what you’re here for.
Guillen: Don’t play that game. Lemme in.
Francona [shaking John Henry out of his slumber in next bed]: Hey. Get up.
Henry: Wha… wha… I’ve got my SPF 73 on…
Francona [shakes harder]: Snap out of it. Ozzie’s here. Right now.
Henry: Ozzie?
Francona: Guillen! Who the f–k do you think? And you know what he wants.
Henry: The trophy?
Francona: Yes! What the f–k are we gonna do? I’m not ready to give it up.
Henry [jumps out of bed.]: Let me think. I need to talk to my handlers.
[Bangs on door get louder.]
Francona: F–k that noise. He’s outside right now! We’ve gotta do something.
Henry: How many floors up are we?
Francona: Dunno… three?
Henry: Can we jump it?
Francona: Not sure, but that’s a good idea. Let’s go.
[Door bursts open as the two scramble.]
Guillen: Okay. No more nice. I want the trophy.
Francona: Er… uh. [grabs something off shelf.] Here.
Guillen [examining it.]: This? This is the trophy?
Francona: Yes.
Guillen: The Major League Baseball World Series Championship Trophy?
Henry: No. I mean, yes.
Guillen [examining further.]: ‘Cuz it looks like a little statue of “Doctor Zaius” from the Planet of the Apes.
Francona: And it is. In many ways. But it’s also… the World Series trophy.
Guillen: I’m not so sure I’m down with this, aiight?
Francona: See, it’s part of Major League Baseball’s tribute to… er… movies. Films. There’s different themes every couple of years. Like, westerns and… apes.
Guillen: This is our trophy? We gonna ride through the streets of Chicago holding Doctor f–king Zaius?
Francona: Yes… because you’re holding the trophy… and the trophy is… that.
Guillen: This is it? We worked all year… for this?
Henry & Francona: [stare at Guillen and each other nervously.]
Guillen [examines the figure for a beat]: Too bad it wasn’t the big gorilla from that movie. You know? General Ursus! He was fierce.
Henry & Francona: [smile at each other nervously.]
Guillen: Okay, then. I take Doctor Zaius back to Chicago. Better luck next year, cats.
[Guillen walks out.]
Francona: That was close. We’re gonna have to move the trophy down to the Carney Lansford Memorial Fallout Shelter for safe keeping. Can you get it for me?
Henry: I concur on the shelter thing. But I do not have the trophy. I thought you did.
Francona: The f–k? I haven’t seen it since that showing at the Cumberland Farms in Warren, Rhode Island.
Henry: Well, I haven’t seen it since that showing at the meeting of the North Attleboro Chapter of the Doctor Who Appreciation Society.
Francona: You don’t think…
Henry: No. No way.
[Meanwhile, in uptown Manhattan…]
Tim McCarver [outside Jeter’s apartment]: Derek? It’s Tim. Just wanted to drop off a little birthday gift…
