::Knock at the door at Yawkey Way::

Francona: Who is it?

Guillen: Ozzie, man. Open up.

Francona: Ozzie? What do you want?

Guillen: You know what I’m here for. Open up.

Francona [amidst sound of shuffling papers, boxes overturning, etc]: Actually… I have no idea what you’re here for.

Guillen: Don’t play that game. Lemme in.

Francona [shaking John Henry out of his slumber in next bed]: Hey. Get up.

Henry: Wha… wha… I’ve got my SPF 73 on…

Francona [shakes harder]: Snap out of it. Ozzie’s here. Right now.

Henry: Ozzie?

Francona: Guillen! Who the f–k do you think? And you know what he wants.

Henry: The trophy?

Francona: Yes! What the f–k are we gonna do? I’m not ready to give it up.

Henry [jumps out of bed.]: Let me think. I need to talk to my handlers.

[Bangs on door get louder.]

Francona: F–k that noise. He’s outside right now! We’ve gotta do something.

Henry: How many floors up are we?

Francona: Dunno… three?

Henry: Can we jump it?

Francona: Not sure, but that’s a good idea. Let’s go.

[Door bursts open as the two scramble.]

Guillen: Okay. No more nice. I want the trophy.

Francona: Er… uh. [grabs something off shelf.] Here.

Guillen [examining it.]: This? This is the trophy?

Francona: Yes.

Guillen: The Major League Baseball World Series Championship Trophy?

Henry: No. I mean, yes.

Guillen [examining further.]: ‘Cuz it looks like a little statue of “Doctor Zaius” from the Planet of the Apes.

Francona: And it is. In many ways. But it’s also… the World Series trophy.

Guillen: I’m not so sure I’m down with this, aiight?

Francona: See, it’s part of Major League Baseball’s tribute to… er… movies. Films. There’s different themes every couple of years. Like, westerns and… apes.

Guillen: This is our trophy? We gonna ride through the streets of Chicago holding Doctor f–king Zaius?

Francona: Yes… because you’re holding the trophy… and the trophy is… that.

Guillen: This is it? We worked all year… for this?

Henry & Francona: [stare at Guillen and each other nervously.]

Guillen [examines the figure for a beat]: Too bad it wasn’t the big gorilla from that movie. You know? General Ursus! He was fierce.

Henry & Francona: [smile at each other nervously.]

Guillen: Okay, then. I take Doctor Zaius back to Chicago. Better luck next year, cats.

[Guillen walks out.]

Francona: That was close. We’re gonna have to move the trophy down to the Carney Lansford Memorial Fallout Shelter for safe keeping. Can you get it for me?

Henry: I concur on the shelter thing. But I do not have the trophy. I thought you did.

Francona: The f–k? I haven’t seen it since that showing at the Cumberland Farms in Warren, Rhode Island.

Henry: Well, I haven’t seen it since that showing at the meeting of the North Attleboro Chapter of the Doctor Who Appreciation Society.

Francona: You don’t think…

Henry: No. No way.

[Meanwhile, in uptown Manhattan…]

Tim McCarver [outside Jeter’s apartment]: Derek? It’s Tim. Just wanted to drop off a little birthday gift…