All Stars on the field. Jack Asses in the broadcast booth. Yes, I’m “one of those guys” who actually tries to enjoy the all-star break. Watching guys hit monster tape-measure homeruns is pretty cool. Having a member of the Red Sox representing is a bonus. And the game (THIS TIME IT COUNTS!) can be entertaining. Seeing the best of the best do their thing impresses me. Besides, it is baseball, right?

Then I tuned in and realized exactly what I was dealing with: the dynamic duo of Morgan and Berman. Blow out the pilot and turn on the gas, I can’t take it. Berman starts immediately with the tired “back-back-back” over and over and over. But wait, he’s mixing it up. Now he’s trying to say it in different languages! Give me something sharp, I can’t wait for the gas to become lethal.

Enter the monotonous “analysis” of Joe Morgan. Just before the derby started, he was talking about how difficult it would be to hit homeruns in Comerica Park. Twenty-four Abreu-bombs later, I have no idea what he was trying to say. This is the same baseball mastermind who informed us Sunday night that David Ortiz would be representing Puerto Rico in the new country-based format. Huh? Oh, and how can we forget his well-researched question during the last Red Sox’ appearance on Sunday Night Baseball “I don’t know why Terry’s got Mirabelli in there over Varitek”…tough one Joe. And why, oh why, does he always wear a pinstripe suit when the Yankees are on Sunday Night Baseball?

Announcers aside, I did try to enjoy the hitting, as well as some of the antics going on with the other players. They really, really look like they’re having a good time. Red Sox fans might be used to seeing the game played that way, but I’m guessing Philly fans or Tiger fans don’t get to see it too often. I felt bad for Jason Bay putting up the goose egg. I marveled at some of the long balls (I think Abreu’s 517-footer was the longest) despite the constant “back-back-back” threatening my sanity. And I blame Dale Sveum for Big Papi not winning the derby.

Tonight, we have the game, and in case you haven’t heard, THIS TIME IT COUNTS! The one subplot I will be very interested in is whether or not Tito uses The Gambler for an inning or not. I’m starting to think Francona has more balls than I’ve previously given him credit for, and will let Rogers rot in the pen unless the game goes extra innings. And I have to believe Rogers will be met with boos whenever his name is mentioned, yes?

And finally, I will be attending the RemDawg party tonight, armed with a camera, stacks of Surviving Grady books, and a petition to have Remy and Orsillo announce the homerun derby next year. I have one extra ticket to the sold-out event. If anyone is interested in purchasing it, shoot me an e-mail at