Red: Didya see the catch?
Guy in Next Office: Good game. Wakefield pitched a hell of a game.
Red: Hells yeah. But did you see the catch?
Guy: The catch? One of our guys?
Red [grabs letter opener from desk drawer, holds it menacingly close to co-worker’s throat]: Our guys? It was Damon, ya prick. The greatest goddam catch of the season, and if you tell me ya missed it, I swear I’ll lay open your worthless cheeks.
Guy: [Nervous… am I bluffing, or have I gone batshit?] Oh, the catch. Right. It was tremendous. Awesome. Magnificent!
Red: That’s more like it. No let’s go urinate on something expensive.
Of course, this exchange didn’t actually happen [at least not as of this typing], but this catch was just stupendous. One of those things that gets you highland flinging ’round the TV set and tattooing Damon’s visage across your chest because, let’s face it Tiger, ain’t no hot chicks gonna be hangin’ out there anytime soon. Might as well do something pretty with the real estate. It had me dizzy hours after the game, watching replays and thinking how cool it would be to actually live the life of The Damon [a la Being John Malkovich] for just a day. Or, even better, a night. Because. You know. Mrs. Damon.
Then there was Manny’s home run. Understand: I love Manny. Love him in a way that some people just don’t understand. Watching him swat balls into the stratosphere with such skill and ease is one of the things that completes the “Boston Red Sox Experience” for me. But I will say this: It seems as if he’s spending a lot more time this season watching his home runs leave the yard. Manny’s always been a bit of a “watcher,” but this season, it just seems so pronounced, so in your face, that I worry the dude’s gonna take one on the dreads at some point. The grand slam he belted last night… it seemed as if he admired it for about fifteen minutes before he started ’round the bases.
But it’s all good. Wakey goes eight strong. Edgah gets three hits. Damon’s hit streak reaches 21 games.
Joy is here, my friends. Right here in a cup. Won’t you drink?