You know that feeling you get when you watch the movie Alien — the one that Ridley Scott did, not all that crap that followed it — and you’re sitting there waiting for that scene to come up when that thing bursts out of John Hurt’s chest? You know the exact point it’s gonna happen and you really don’t want to see it because it still freaks the bejeezus out of you but you can’t look away?

It’s the fascination of the abomination. And that’s how I feel whenever Keith Foulke enters a game these days. Every time my man steps out of that bullpen, you know something ugly is coming.

Last night, it was a two-run homer to Mark Teixeira that put the Rangers within a run, before they were eventually shut down.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy a little excitement in my life. I do, I really do. I dig the feeling that a game isn’t really over even when the Sox are up by three runs and our closer’s coming in. It keeps me on my toes, it reminds me to never take anything for granted.

But, dude, seriously. Can we stop this horseshit now? Please? Thank you.

And speaking of scary, tonight we get… Dmitri Young!

Now it’s question time: April 2005 is in the books, and I ask what do you think the biggest surprise has been — good or bad — through the first month of the Red Sox’ season? For me, it’s Damon’s ass-hot bat. With his book, tours, TV appearances, trapeze act and government briefings, I expected the guy to spend most of the month zombified. Good for him, I say. And carry on.