One is a former astronaut Colonel who survived a devastating crash and is reconstructed with a bionic eye, arm and two bionic legs. He battled spies, robots and even a bionic Bigfoot on a weekly basis. His TV wife was Lindsey Wagner and his real-life wife was Farrah Fawcett.

The other is a former quality relief pitcher who survived an incredible World Series meltdown in 2001 and returns the following year to have a brilliant regular season. Only to inexplicably fold again in the ’02 postseason. He pitches OK in ’03 and is traded to Boston where he again chokes in the post-season. In ’04 he traveled the world in search of his former self, posting a frightening 6.23 ERA in just 17+ innings work.

The first is fictional. The second, unfortunately for Sox fans, is real.

Byung-Hyun Kim has done nothing to endear himself to Boston fans since coming here. His most famous, or infamous, feat was flipping off the crowd at Fenway. He was terrible in his one ’03 postseason appearance. He had one good start against Tampa in April of 2004 before fading away. He apparently spent the summer in Korea getting acupuncture, bathing in the mystical hot springs and worshipping the sun-goddess.

Based on his spring training numbers to this point, none of it worked. His ERA is 5.4, he’s barely cracking 85 with his fastball and his control is suspect. Catcher Doug Mirabelli recently ripped him for his unwillingness to become part of the team. In his most recent appearance, he did everything he could to blow the lead against Pittsburgh but somehow earned the save. Even the Brewers have given up on him and trade talks are over. There seems to be only one person on this planet with any hope of getting Kim back to his 2002 regular-season form. His name just happens to be Theo Epstein.

I say eat the 6 mil and don’t let this guy cost us any wins. Cut him loose or let him work in AAA. Unless we can replace his pitching arm with bionics and have it make that cool “bionic noise” every time he throws. Or has a torrid affair with Farrah and gains popularity on her new reality show. Then we keep him.