Dude, let it snow, let it sleet, let Jose Canseco and brother Ozzie set up a book peddlin’ shack on my front lawn. I give not shit one, because in just a few days, there’s baseball on NESN. And not rehashed baseball, but fresh, exciting, never before seen baseball. Or at least spring training baseball. With Matt Clement on the hill against the Minnesota Twins.
Perhaps most importantly, the Rem Dawg is back. And man, have I missed him. My world makes no sense when I can’t rely on his soothing tenor, and it makes the offseason seem that much longer. No matter how many slings and arrows I endure at the office, no matter how many times the boss beats me about the head and torso with a bag full of canned hams [actually happened twice… never pretty], no matter how many evening commutes I spend snarled in traffic on route 128, I find calm in the fact that the Rem Dawg is waiting for me. All I have to do is get home, open a beer, and flip on NESN. Rem Dawg does the rest, and I thank him for it.
Also, I can’t stress this enough: If you haven’t got one of these, then, in the immortal words of Jermaine Dupri, you ain’t no big dog. People: Jerry Remy answers your phone calls for you. What more must you be told before you understand the magnitude of this. And if you must know, I’ll admit to not yet owning one, but it’s only because I’d spend the rest of my days huddled in the corner, calling myself just to hear Remy saying my name.