Dudes, it is so cool that my man Boomer has signed on with the Red Sox. As you may or may not know, me and David are pretty tight, so you can pretty much consider me a clubhouse fixture for next season. But it’ll be cool, trust me. I’m a lot more fun than Pedro’s midget buddy, plus I usually have Leeann Tweeden with me. And before y’ll go knocking this signing, consider that Dave’s won 46 games over the past three seasons. Sure, he’ll occasionally need time off to recover from bouts of drinking and the gastrointestinal problems that accompany an all-red meat diet, but a rotation of Schilling, Martinez, Wells, Wakefield and Arroyo sounds pretty damn good to me. Even better than a rotation of Johnson, Mussina, Pavano, Wright and Brown. Dudes, the Yankees are the ones running scared this off-season. They’re the ones who are gonna have their onions dipped in boiling oil if they can’t win a Championship. There’s a good chance you’re gonna sign Renteria, and you know Theo’s got at least one unplayed ace up his sleeve. Just sit back, chill out, and open a couple cold ones. That’s exactly what me and Boomer are gonna do. And you’ll get to experience every last drop, all season long.