This is a secret message to the members of the Red Sox Nation sleeper cell, currently in and around New York City. If you are not a member of this cell, do not attempt to crack our intricate codes. In fact, if you’re not a member, just leave this site right now. Click out, go somewhere else. Make your mother some toast for chrissakes.
Fellow believers, this is Rem-Dawg. Or, as some of you may recall me from the Academy days, Jihad Jerry.
If you are receiving this message, you are almost halfway to the promised land. Almost, but not quite. There is much we still require of you. The time has come to rise up, abandon the shackles of this so called curse, and take our battle to the very heart of the infidels. Their heart… and their home.
I’m talking about The Stadium. The House that Ruth Built. The battlefield of our ultimate demise in the 2003 ALCS will be turned into the landmark of our most glorious triumph. Yes, we have Bronson on the mound, and the poor kid will no doubt be shaky, especially when all those crazed New York fans — with their beer and their Matsui action figures and their crossbows — get their claws into him. But he won’t be going it alone. Nay, he will have a nation of millions as his back. Our Nation. The Nation.
Fellow Nation-ists, I implore you to rise up and go to the Stadium. Infiltrate this place where for too long our enemy has enjoyed victory upon victory against us, and bring him down. How? By yelling really, really f–king loud, stamping your feet, waving your “Pedro” jersey for all to see, and letting them know that we are here. That we are strong. And that we are doing it all in their house. And they are powerless to stop us.
Remember, a victory tonight, against he who they call “El Duque,” would not only drive a stake through the heart of these Yankees and their October ambitions, it would send a signal to the world. And that signal is: We are here. We are strong. And we are hungry.
Oh, and if the Sox are down 12-4 by the second inning, get your ass back to the hotel before somebody shivs you.
Good day, brothers and sisters.